Change Is Constant...

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

To say my life has changed a lot in the last year would be a bit of an understatement. My home, work, relationships, friendships, social life and waist circumference have all gone through a number of turbulent changes. Some have been good, some have been bad and some have been heavily misguided but the weirdest part is, when all is said and done. I'm glad.
Just over a year ago I wrote this, practically a self-fulfilling prophecy in that I yearned for something to change just before my life was about to be turned on its head. It hasn’t always been easy don’t get me wrong, there are one or two mascara stained pillows to testify that fact but I do believe it has been necessary.  
I am a creature of habit…this is why I have the rather undesirable tendency to occasionally get stuck in a rut (or when in a relationship; drop off the face of the earth). This personality trait of mine is the exact reason I was so unhappy a year ago and why having the rug pulled from under me was exactly that instead of something that 'just happens’ which is what is should have been. I hate this trait and have spent the last few months trying to change it. The sad truth is, the worse I feel...the less I try. It is a vicious cycle and so I have stopped denying the fact things change in the blink of an eye and just started making the most of it....Saying yes to things I wouldn’t have before, putting myself in situations I actively avoided before and generally just living my life a bit more and seeing how things go.
All this isn’t to say where I was a year ago was all bad…I did have a lot of love for the life I had and the love in my life at the time but I know I was letting myself disappear and I hated it and yet couldn’t bring myself to change. It also doesn’t mean what is happening now is all fun and games and cocktails with handsome men and fun girls. After all there are still bills to pay, work to do and days that pass with no plans (and a lack of handsome men). There are still days when I spend a large portion of it watching an entire season of a TV show, moving only to bathe and eat but these days are now a special treat rather than the norm and I feel much better for it.
I like the fact that I can change what I want to do next in an instant. I can act like a 15 year old and get tipsy in the park on a sunny day with friends or book a trip to Barcelona with my sister because it seemed like a good way to spend a weekend (and get an unplanned tattoo on said trip).  There are still things I want to change, things I want to stay the same and things I probably haven’t even thought to think about yet. I don't know what the next weekend holds for me anymore let alone the next month/year/decade but the uncertainty of it all is now exciting instead of terrifying. In fact the the uncertainty is the most exciting part.
The only thing that is constant in life is change….and actually I think I’m ok with that.
XOXO

3 comments:

  1. Loved this post, finally accepting change (and it took a lot of gin and tears) is so scary but so amazing. I'm sorry to admit that I do feel I missed out on those opportunities to be silly and just embrace life because I was too concerned with being everything and having everything like a real grown up. Fab writing beauty, drinks soon!! xxx

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